Tome of the Undergates

Holidays May Be Rough, But…



At least you’re not that guy!

That’s Otis, usually quite jovial, in a rare state of Christmas Scarf Blues. His suffering is your gingerbread cookie.

You wouldn’t think blogging would be hard, would you? It’s really just writing down your thoughts as you go along. Given that most of the time I voice my thoughts, the typical reaction is a fervent call to the police, though, keeping a sanitary and scheduled series of updates can be pretty irritating.

Especially around the holidays.

Christmas is over, but New Year’s is about to begin. Thereafter, as the publishing world begins creeping out of its self-induced Thanksgiving coma, shit gets real. Editors spring to life with new and vengeful vigor. Publicists doll themselves up. And authors? Authors try desperately to keep their deadlines and continue to roll their faces on their keyboards.

Speaking of which, have you seen the contest we’re running? Check the blog post right beneath this one for details! Plenty of entries (and severe doubts of my abilities) are rolling in every day! Be sure to add your name to the ARC Giveaway (details here) and see if you can guess how incompetent I am!

Anyway, there’s a lot of stuff happening in the post-Christmas/pre-New Year frenzies. Namely, a lot of cool and attractive bloggers are posting their “Favorite Books of ’09” lists! The ones I’m following most obsessively: James “The Predator” Long’s Speculative Horizons, Adam “Juice” Whitehead’s The Wertzone, Patrick “Nobody Remembers My Last Name” of Pat’s Fantasy Hotlist, Aidan “Hossmaster” Moher’s A Dribble of Ink, and Graeme “Killa B” Flory’s Graeme’s Fantasy Book Review.

I gave them nicknames to make them sound cooler, but it’s a little redundant. Also, remember to check out The Book Smugglers, run by the Gruesome Twosome: Ana and Thea. They tend to produce some pretty quality stuff, with the occasional piece of crap.

Anyway, what did you get for your chosen holiday gift-giving extravaganza? Fruitcake? Toys? Video games? Dignity? Self-respect? Insolence?

You’ll never use any of that! How about a present you can actually enjoy, like an excerpt from Tome of the Undergates? I already posted one on The Book Smugglers, but here’s another one, to see if it tickles your fancy or any other part of you that I shouldn’t be touching. Hope you enjoy and have a happy New Year!

No.

The voice began as a mutter, a quiet whisper in the back of his mind. It echoed, singing through his skull, reverberating through his head. His temples throbbed, as though the voice left angry dents each time it rebounded against his skull. Kataria shifted before him, going from sharp and angry to hazy and indistinct. The earth under his feet felt softer, yielding, as though it feared to stand against him.

The voice, however, remained tangible in its clarity.

No more time,’ it uttered, ‘no more talk.

‘More time to what, you fart-sniffer?’ Kataria was hopping from foot to foot, fingers twitching, though before Lenk’s eyes she resembled nothing so much as a shifting blob. ‘Not so brave now?’

‘I . . .’ he began to utter, but his throat tightened, choking him.

‘You what?’

Nothing to say,’ the voice murmured, ‘no more time.

‘What,’ he whispered, ‘is it time for?’

‘What the hell does that mean?’ If she looked at him oddly, he did not see. Her eyes faded into the indistinct blob that she had become. ‘Lenk . . . are you—’

Time,’ the voice uttered, ‘to kill.

‘I’m not—’

Kill,’ it repeated.

‘Not what?’

Kill.

‘I can’t—’ he whimpered.

No choice.

‘Shut up,’ he tried to snarl, but his voice was weak and small. ‘Shut up!’

Kill.

‘Lenk . . .’ Kataria’s voice began to fade.

KILL!

SHUT UP!

When he had fallen, he could not remember, nor did he know precisely when he had closed his eyes and clamped his hands over his ears, lying twitching upon the earth like a crushed cockroach. When he opened his eyes once more, the world was restored: the ground was solid beneath him, his head no longer ached and he stared up into a pair of eyes, hard and sharp as emeralds.

‘It happened again, didn’t it?’ she asked, kneeling over him. ‘What happened on the Riptide . . . happened again.’

His neck felt stiff when he nodded.

‘Don’t you see, Lenk?’ Her whisper was delicate, soothing. ‘This isn’t going to stop. I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s happening to you.’

‘I can’t.’ His whisper was more fragile, a vocal glass pane cracking at the edges. ‘I . . . don’t even know myself.’

‘You can’t even try?’ She reached out and placed a hand on his shoulder; he saw her wince at the contact. ‘For your sake, Lenk? For mine?’

‘I . . . don’t . . .’

His voice trailed off into nothingness, punctuated by the harsh narrowing of her eyes. She rose, not swiftly as she usually did, but with all the creaking exhaustion of an elder, far too tired of life. She stared down at him with pity flashing in her eyes once more; he had nowhere to turn to.

‘Then don’t,’ she replied sternly. ‘Lie here . . . and don’t.’

He felt he should urge himself to get up as he heard her boots crunch upon the earth. He felt he should scream at himself to follow her as he heard her slip through the foliage with barely a rustle. He felt he should rise, run screaming after her, tell her everything he needed to until his tongue dried up and fell out of his head.

For all that, he lay on the earth and did not move. For all the commands he knew he should give himself, he could hear but one voice.

Weak.

His head seared for a moment, then grew cold with a dull ache that gripped his brain in icy fingers. His mind grew colder with every echo, the chill creeping into the back of his eyes, down his throat, into his nose until the sun ceased to have warmth. Breathing became a chore, movement an impossibility, death . . . an appealing consideration.

He closed his eyes, allowing the world to fade away into echoes as the sound, too, faded into nothingness. There was nothing to the world any more, no life, no pain, no sound.

No sound.

He opened his eyes as the realisation came upon him: there was no birdsong, no buzzing of insects.

The prey had stopped making noise.

Cold was banished in a sudden sear of panic. He scrambled to his feet, reaching for his sword, sweeping his gaze about the jungle. Any one of the trees could be the demon, watching him with stark white eyes, talons twitching and ready to smother his head in ooze before eating it.

The only things he saw, however, were shadows and leaves. The only thing he heard was the pounding of his own heart.

‘Help.’

The silence was shattered by a faint, quivering voice. It was little more than a whisper, barely audible over the hush of the wind, but it filled Lenk’s ears and refused to leave.

‘Help me.’

He could hear it more clearly now, recognising it. He had heard more than enough dying men to know what one sounded like. For all the clarity of the voice, he could spy no man to go with it, however. Slowly, he eased his gaze across the trees once more and found nothing in the thick gloom.

‘Please,’ the man whimpered, ‘don’t kill me. Don’t kill me.’

There was silence for but a moment.

DON’T KILL ME!

His eyes followed his ears, sweeping up into the canopy, narrowing upon the white smear in the darkness, improbably pristine. From above, a pair of bleary grey eyes atop a bulbous, beak-like nose stared back, unblinking and brimming with fat, salty tears.

I should run, he thought, the Abysmyth is likely right behind this thing.

No.’ The voice’s reply was slow and grating. ‘It dies.

‘It dies,’ Lenk echoed.

The Omen’s teeth chattered quietly, yellow spikes rattling off each other. Lenk’s ear twitched at the sound of wet meat being slivered. Narrowing his eyes, he spied the single, severed finger ensconced between the creature’s teeth, shredded further into glistening meat with every chatter of its jaws.

‘There are others here.’ Lenk’s voice sounded distant and faint in his own ears, as though he spoke through fog to someone shrouded and invisible. ‘Should we help them?’

Irrelevant,’ the voice replied. ‘Men can die. Demons must die.

‘Right.’

The Omen shuffled across the branch, tilting its wrinkled head in an attempt to comprehend. Lenk remained tense, not deceived by the facade of animal innocence. As if sensing this, it tightened its broad mouth into a needle-toothed smile, the severed digit vanishing down its throat with a crunching sound.

It ruffled its feathers once, stretched its head up like a cock preparing to crow and opened its mouth.

‘Gods help me!’ A man’s voice, whetted with terror, echoed through its gaping mouth. ‘Someone! Anyone! HELP ME!

The mimicked plea reverberated through his flesh. His arm tensed, sliding his sword out of its sheath. Like a dog eager to play, the Omen ruffled its feathers, turned about and hopped into the dense foliage of the canopy.

‘It wants help,’ Lenk muttered, watching the white blob vanish into the green.

Then we shall help it.

His legs were numb under his body, moving effortlessly against the earth, sword suddenly so very light in a hand he could no longer feel. He thought he ought to be worried about that, as he suspected he should be worried about following a demonic parasite into the depths of the foliage. He had no ears for those concerns, however.

The ringing cry of the dying man hung from every branch he crept under.

Holidays May Be Rough, But… Read More »

Make me look stupid and win an ARC!


It is true that people love giveaways. Several great nations have been founded on the very concept, with “giveaways” being the number two reason behind national identity behind “What Independence Means to Me” essays.

It is also true that the only thing that people love more than giveaways is making other people depressed. And here, my friends, is an insider secret: no tears are thicker or sweeter than those of authors. They are bottled to make perfume, slathered on like fine oils and if you need a quick burst of energy, just licking them straight off the cheek of an author whose received a bad review, well…there’s just nothing like it. I, too, indulge in this practice, having long committed an anonymous, passive-aggressive hatemail campaign against fellow Gollancz author Alex Bell while masquerading under the guise of Jericho Mtumbe, Zimbabwean Mormon attorney.

But enough about my pending lawsuits. The purpose of this blog is to provide you with both a giveaway and an opportunity to make me look dumb, with the arrival of Mr. Sykes’ Fantasmagorical Extraoracle Stupidifferic Betting Contest!

You see, just yesterday, I received the final proofs for Tome of the Undergates. Some of you may be familiar with the editing process already, but let me enlighten those of you who aren’t.

Step 1: Line editing. This is basically the “meat” of the process, in which the editor who proclaimed to like your book enough to buy it now proceeds to point out how stupid you were when you wrote it. I kid, of course, they don’t actually use words as nice as “stupid.” Rather, they go line by line and find what works and what doesn’t. This is where plot holes are filled, characters are refined, and sweeping changes are made. Frequently, this happens more than once! But when it’s done, you go to…

Step 2: Copy editing. This is where a copy-editor, a fine man or woman in the employ of your publisher, goes balls-deep into your writing and starts picking out the sentence fragments, poor word choices, illogical fallacies and just general stupidity. This is also the point where authors and editors both look the most foolish. How foolish, you might ask? As an example: throughout the many, many read-throughs my editor and I did of Tome, neither of us realized that wheel could only spin two ways and it took a copy-editor to catch it. Once they’re done with that, though, you reach this part…

Step 3: Final editing. This is basically where it’s your last possible chance to change anything at all. This is also when you go the most nuts, because there’s a lot to change and you can, usually, only change less than 10% or you wind up having to pay for it.

My friends, it is in this moment, this Final Edit, that Tome of the Undergates finds itself and we find ourselves in a contest of excellent portents.

The Lowdown: We have three (3, III), Advanced Reading Copies (ARCs) to give away (bribe) to those interested. The contest is pretty simple, in that it only has one rule.

Guess How Many Mistakes I’ve Made: You read it correctly! All you have to do is guess how many mistakes I’ve missed through the editing and, if you’re closest to the actual number, you could win one of these fine-ass ARCs!

The Nitty: The book is close to 600 pages long and we can’t make more than 10% of an actual change to it, so that would put your odds of finding a mistake at about between 1 and 60? Sounds right, right? So, make your best guess, based on how well you know me or my editor (if you don’t know either of us, remember the wheel story).

The Gritty: So, once you’ve made your guess please send an email (FROM AN ADDRESS YOU CHECK FREQUENTLY; NO THROWAWAY ACCOUNTS, PLEASE) to sam.sykes66@gmail.com with your guess! Corrections are due back by January 13th, so you have until midnight (Arizona time, my time; eff all y’all in other, lamer time zones) on that day to turn in your guess! If you win, we’ll send you an email asking for your shipping address and slap it on out to you, personally signed and possibly with an insulting message inside!

WHAT A GREAT GODDAMN CONTEST! GUESS NOW, YOU HORRIBLE LITTLE PEOPLE! FEED OFF MY MISERY! PROFIT FROM MY AGONY!

Love,
Sam

xoxoxox

Make me look stupid and win an ARC! Read More »

My Editor is Metal as Hell


This is really more of a general update blog than anything else, but chock full of news you can feasibly use. If nothing else, you can take this as an opportunity to gain a bit of insight into the vast and complex world of publishing by seeing how an author communicates with an editor. Some of you will likely remember my announcement that I have been picked up by Pyr Books and their very fine editor, Lou Anders.

When presented with the knowledge that I was very pleased that he liked my book, Lou responded thus:

Like it? Made me want to shred my own s&s short into a thousand tiny bits. And stab you in the heart for being in your 20s.

Let me state for those of you who may be curious: it is very good if your editor likes your book. If your editor likes your book enough to wish physical harm upon you? Well, you’re pretty much set, then, aren’t you?

For the record, my editor at Gollancz has never threatened me…with physical harm. Though legend says that if you make him mad enough, he will start cursing at you in Old Entish (he is perhaps the tallest man on earth to be involved in literature outside of Godzilla’s memoirs).

Anyway, onto further news: do you know what an ARC is? It goes by many names: Advanced Reading Copy, Proof, Bound Galley, Doorstop. The important thing is that Tome of the Undergates (my goodness, how did that Amazon link get there, oh well, no time to change it, sadly) has them! They have gone out to many fine blogs, I am told.

Among those most worthy of note: My Favourite Books, The Book Smugglers, Speculative Horizons, The Wertzone, Pat’s Fantasy Hotlist, Graeme’s Fantasy Book Review, NextRead and SFFWorld.com. Haven’t read them? Why not? What have they done to deserve your scorn? I wholly recommend giving them a look, and not just because they may say nice things about me! These are pretty much the gold standard for all opinions and reviews of fantasy fiction in the UK.

…unless they say mean things about me, in which case they are all filthy little wallaby-riders who suckle at the teat of Asmodeus and the resulting lactose intolerant reaction causes global warming that KILLS PUPPIES.

But for the moment, they are all quite good! The fine ladies (for there are two) at the Book Smugglers deserve special mention; their tendency to hunt in a pair allows them to take most authors by surprise and allows one of them to leisurely feed on the remains while the other keeps watch for other competing bloggers.

Note: This has been a confidential sneak peek at the upcoming nature documentary on the habits of book review bloggers, appearing in 2010 and narrated by David Attenborough.

And, in other things newsworthy, since my brand spanking new entry on the Orion Author/Title List has a showing of the cover art for the book, perhaps it is safe to show here, as well! You might have noticed it at the top there! Your reactions? They should pretty much be as follows:

HOLY SHIT LOOK AT THAT WATER! IT’S SO MAJESTIC! SO AZURE! SO SPARKLING! SO SPLASHY!

What’s that? The guy? Well, yeah, I guess he is kind of important to the story and that is a pretty badass-looking sword, but come on…water.

WATER!

My Editor is Metal as Hell Read More »

Pyr Publishing!

There’s a publishing company out there making a buzz! You may know who it is based off the fabulous authors they have come to swallow whole, like a frog swallowing mayflies, that the meager authorial mass may be added to the collective might of the industry. Fantastic authors such as Tom Lloyd, James Barclay, JOE “MUTHAFUGGIN” ABERCROMBIE.

And now…me! Yes, that’s right, it seems as though Sam “Sharkpuncher” Sykes (I gave myself that nickname because it sounded cool; also, I know the site is under construction, shut up) will be joining the stable kept by the highly praised (deserving every ounce of it) Lou Anders, Hugo-nominated editor and all-around nice guy.

What does this mean for you, the kind and gentle reader? Several things! First of all, this being as close as two authors can possibly get before the fierce undercurrent of rivalry and insecurity tears them apart, I can now officially ask Tom Lloyd for money.

More importantly, though, it means Tome of the Undergates will be available in the United States by 2010, courtesy of Pyr! I’m excited! Are you excited? I’m excited!

This now officially raises the things I have in common with Joe Abercrombie to:

Things we have in common: Pyr Publishing, Heyne Publishing, Mynx Publishing, the all-important Gollancz-Orion Publishing, a fondness for fine beers and a fierce love for all things David Bowie.

Things Joe Abercrombie does not have in common with me: A strong, creamy moral center of virtue, five inches (of height), three inches (of waistline), the ability to chew bricks for extended periods of time and biceps the size of overfed platypuses.

Things I do not have in common with Joe Abercrombie: Like, a million books sold and the respect and adoration of readers worldwide.

I hope you are as thrilled about this recent development as I am.

especially you.

Pyr Publishing! Read More »

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