NERDS

We go through life thinking that things are a way they are for a reason.  There is safety in predetermination, comfort in destiny, the knowledge that we don’t have to try if we’re not the chosen one, that we don’t have to worry if we are.  We search for order in the universe that we may know some semblance of piece amidst a giant rock that is spinning further out of control every year, withering us to dust as it does and robbing lives that had no meaning to begin with.  Most of the time, we are content with this.

And then sometimes, something happens that ruins everything.

Ladies…gentlemen…friends, all…

Thor is apparently good.

I was not prepared to hear this.  I was ready to write off Thor as a piece of shit the moment I saw the trailer.  And who could blame me?  Logic was on my side.  The rule of three was on my side.

The rule of three is something I deduced after being an ardent fan of the Spider-Man and X-Men movies and it states simply that superhero movies move in a pattern: the first is good, the second is awesome, the third is horrifying.  The above franchises should provide adequate proof on that point, yes?  Hell, even the Hulk movies have followed this formula, if only because the first one was bad and the second one was okay.

It is why I fear for the third Batman movie, why I fear for the third Iron Man movie (though I hear tell that there’s a sizable faction that disagrees with my position that it was better than the first, these people being clearly heathens).  And, elevating that theory higher, it was why I had low hopes for Thor. If we follow the logic that every third movie is awful, then it stands to reason that there is at least one in three Marvel franchises that will be awful too: the Hulk, Daredevil.  Between the impending X-Men: First Class (which I gather is a reboot) and Captain America movies, Thor seemed like a prime target.

Apparently, I was wrong.

Two of my favorite bloggers have said it was good.  I’m inclined to trust them on this and see for myself, but the fact that the movie has been accepted as “good” by the majority of the populace seems to suggest that, whatever franchise fails, it won’t be Thor.

…so, who will it be?

Fortunately, for you, I’ve set up a fun way to talk about it with…

The Superhero Movie Betting Pool!

Here’s what we are going to do: name the impending superhero movies (of which I am aware of at least four) and decide which ones are going to succeed and fail and why.  Why would you do this?  This is a fantasy writer’s blog.  If you’re reading this, you’ve probably been dying for a reason to say this stuff.

Green Lantern: I predict moderate success.  The lack of an un-cliched personal conflict and the vast scope of it will send it reeling into everything we expect from a superhero movie: a reluctant hero, a sudden power, a standard discovery of powers in which the character flies around going “woooooohooooo.”  It will be a solid debut, paving the way for future movies, but its adherence will limit its impact.

X-Men: First Class: Less than successful.  Much in the same way X-Men Origins: Wolverine was an attempt to crawl back out of the hole the movies had fallen in, this new movie will be one more lost footing and send them sliding closer back.  It won’t be bad, as we know it, but it will be underwhelming and leave no particularly intense impressions as they try to establish the origins of a film series that’s already (technically) had an origins story.

Captain America: Bad.  Take no prisoners bad.  With a plot that lends itself to slightly less impressive effects, a lot of this will fall on the male lead (which has traditionally never been a strong suit of a lot of Marvel movies).  It will be a pretty unremarkable mess that is made worse by the fact that it wants to be taken seriously.

The Dark Knight Rises: I’m clinging too much to tradition here, but I’m pessimistic.  It won’t fit the conventional definition of bad, but it doesn’t have to to fail.  It just has to fail to meet The Dark Knight. A pretty intense task, even without the fact that the addition of Catwoman rings a little too close to another out-of-place fan favorite that ruined a franchise.  It’ll be a solid movie, damned by its predecessor.

I don’t always nerd out.

But when I do, I prefer to do it over comic books.