Updates: Deadlines, Facebook and the Wrath of Goodkind

Kind of a slow day today, but there are some things we should go over.  I was asked by many (one) people (person) about the ARC Giveaway Contest (shameless self-promotion) and decided (was forced) to elaborate (fling poo) for (at) them (the jerk).  This shall be done in the form of a Q&A with myself, the very same defense that both exonerated me from many civil libel suits and once got me imprisoned in a Turkish asylum.

Thanks for coming to the Q&A, Sam.

Thanks for having me, buy my book!

Okay, you little corporate whore.  Let’s save it for later, eh?  First of all, tell us how long the ARC Giveaway Contest extends to.

We’d like to have all submissions in by August 22nd, 2010, when the Hurlyburly’s done, so that our celebrity guests can have adequate time to judge them.

Woah, celebrity guests?  I thought you were judging these yourself!

I have never done an honest day’s work in my life and, as you know, I am terrified of having an opinion I might have to one day defend.  Rather, Mark Newton, Joe Abercrombie and Sarah Pinborough have volunteered to help out by choosing their favorites.  Of course, when I say “volunteer,” I mean that one of them is tied up in my basement.  Guess which one and you might win a prize!

I would, but every time I email you, I keep getting ignored!  Why won’t you reply to me?  Is it my face?  It’s my face, isn’t it?  Do you want to punch me in the face right now?

Kind of, but that’s not the reason I don’t respond!  Mostly, it is because I am a SUPREMELY BUSY MAN and I have no idea what to say beyond “hey, thanks broseph.  Yo, do you remember Ducktales?”  And that’s just going to lead to a conversation that will sap my resources intensely, since local legend confirms that the only way to keep Sam Sykes from stealing your face is to talk with him about Ducktales until the sun comes up and turns him to stone.

But anyway, remember that your reasons are all being noted and Sam Sykes loves you very much.

Well, that’s pretty good.  Will my one good reason be published on your blog that has HUNDREDS OF VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE VISITING IT AS WE SPEAK?

I don’t know, man!  Probably, if it’s really good!

That’s all the time we have for today.  Thanks for coming, Sam, you Sexual Lorax, you.

Why, thanks, pal.

Anyway, onto other business…

YOU MIGHT HAVE NOTICED that the Facebook link on the main page, thanks to the infinite patience of Jeremiah Tolbert, ACTUALLY LEADS TO A FACEBOOK PAGE!  HOLY GOD!  DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS?

We can be FBBFFBs (the last ‘B’ stands for ‘BFYOBFB’).  And more importantly, you can see me threaten other authors who are also on Facebook!  Holy crap!

Yes!  Go befriend me now.  If you’re a pornbot, though, you better be nasty.

And finally, we have our first victim contender to the Bravest Challenge reporting in on his challenge!  You might remember that Graeme Flory was supposed to read Terry Goodkind’s Wizard’s First Rule. He has finally reported back in on this mighty challenge.  The result?

FAILURE.

I gave it my best shot but ‘Wizard’s First Rule’ has gone in the ‘charity box’, possibly never to be seen in this house again. I really wanted that ‘Raging Rothfuss’ award as well… But you know what? Sometimes life really is too short to be plugging away on something that just isn’t going to work for you.

Well, at least you tried, Graeme!  And for that, we who are about to read worse, salute you!

As you were, soldier!