Did you all know it’s May?

It’s true.  I was just informed of this myself.  Frankly, I’m still a little doubtful, seeing as it snowed a few days ago in Flagstaff, where I am.  But, having had my face close enough to a keyboard that I have QWERTY emblazoned across my forehead like a particularly geeky Charles Manson, I am inclined to take peoples’ words for it.

Anyway, you know what this shit means, don’t you?  I bet you don’t.  But I’m here to tell you, because there’s a lot of stuff going down in Arizona!

Yes!  This state actually does do more than pass psychotic legislature!

May 11th: Sam Sykes Day.

What?  You’ve never heard of Sam Sykes day?  It’s a pretty important day.  Every May 11th, for the past three centuries, one of the many Sams in the Sykes clan has been responsible for a major atrocity.  You might remember some of these as the day when the Knights Templar were burned at the stake as heretics (this one, family records indicate, was a huge misunderstanding as the Sam Sykes of 1310 actually wanted some other people burned at the stake), or perhaps the day when the HMS Beagle would launch and take the Sam Sykes of 1820 on his scientific voyage that would eventually prove the theory of evolution (history books refuse to correct the unjust theory that his cabin boy, Charles Darwin, stole credit).

But here, in 2010, the modern Sam Sykes celebrates his birthday with ice cream cake, a new Macbook (which I am typing on now!) and participation in this year’s events, such as…

May 12th: Signing at the Poisoned Pen

I distinctly remember mentioning The Poisoned Pen bookstore in my last blog post as the only place you can currently buy Tome of the Undergates in America.  Well, I will, in fact, be doing a book signing there on May 12th, just a day after my birthday, at 7 PM.  Directions, locations, maps: here!  It’d mean a lot if you could come out.

“But Sam,” I can hear you say now, “I am not in Arizona out of protest for their crazy laws/because I don’t have the money or time to get there/because I am incapable of travel after losing both my legs and eyes in the great Secret War of 2002 in which we brave few fought off a wave of Neptunian Zombies that no one heard of because of the damn liberal media, so maybe you should have a little more sympathy for the man that saved your ass from becoming a buffet on Neptune, you goddamn ingrate.”

Rest assured, though, I have not forgotten my poor secret war veterans with social consciences.  You can still BUY a copy of Tome of the Undergates from the Poisoned Pen and I will sign and inscribe and personalize the HELL out of that book for you.

Did you see?  It comes warmly recommended by George R.R. Martin, apparently.  And that fellow might actually be there…or about there…because what happens next is…

May 14-16th: LEPRECON, BITCHES.

…it’s actually just “Leprecon,” organized by the phenomenal Lee Whiteside (who is also doing Phoenix ComicCon), but it promises to be a good time.  In addition to having several awesome authors, artists and assorted folk, it has me…also George R.R. Martin.  George “Motherfuckin'” R.R. Martin.

Facts about George R.R. Martin:

• He once had a headache so bad that he split his own skull open with a rock.  This is the accepted origins story for Joe Abercrombie.
• He has the power to reduce men to quivering blobs of jelly through the power of his headgear alone.
• The “R’s” stand for “revenge” and “radishes,” though the only men who know what order they go in are the ones who have been killed by his hands.

He’s also the guest of honor at Leprecon!  Not only will he be the guest of honor, he will be the guest of honor on a panel with Sam Sykes.  Sam “Motherfuckin'” Sykes…or maybe just Sam “Pie King” Sykes. We’ll be talking about the dangerous of writing a series as opposed to standalone books.  Given the speakers, it should be a subject rife with discussion and maybe a few death threats.

BUT.

I am also doing a few more panels!  Stick around to find out which!  Also, Tome of the Undergates will be on sale there, too!  JESUS CHRIST.

So, that’s May.  It looks pretty sexy, doesn’t it?  But don’t get too excited, sirs.  She is a harsh mistress and will probably burn your lips clean off.

Hope to see you all at Leprecon…or the Book Signing…or ComicCon!

And if I don’t.

I’ll find you.