“My New Favorite Review,” or “Google Translate is a Magical Thing.”

Elbakin is a new discovery to me, apparently a notable French fantasy blog that has reviews of nearly every piece of fantasy literature out there, as well as interviews, overviews, author profiles and a lot of really interesting things to read about…if you’re French.

Or, if you have Google Translator!

The online translator is a rather new innovation to the internet.  Originally conceived as a means for college students to spend less time studying and more time playing computer games, translators have since evolved into something far more sinister, acting as a sort of verbal serial killer, cornering beautiful, innocent languages in corners and hacking them into something grisly and unrecognizable.  We, the viewing public, are the detectives who must bite back the urge to vomit and have a good, long, ugly look at the mutilated corpse and try desperately to identify what it might have originally been, while fighting back the despair that this horrific murderer will go free and likely kill again, making his way through Spain, Germany, Holland, China and Japan before he is brought to justice.

That metaphor may have gotten a little out of hand.

For the record, Gillossen, the fellow who wrote this fine review, enjoyed the book.  This fact thrills me to the point of froth, as there’s a very special feeling knowing that someone who speaks another language found your own to be pleasing to his eye.  So to you, Gillossen, I extend my utmost gratitude and thanks, as well as the fervent hope that you will not find the following too offensive.

As it stands, I was curious to know what the review said, so a good friend of mine ran it through Google Translator and…well, at the risk of murdering an already exhausted metaphor, the detectives are having a hard time making sense of it.  Here are some choice bits:

Gollancz has often hit the jackpot in recent years with these new authors.

Everyone did not luck, or talent, “out” a Scott Lynch or Joe Abercrombie, to name but two.  And Sam (uel) Sykes represents the beginning of this year’s new hope for the English publisher through the 2010 vintage, with its Tome of the Undergates already divided.

Well, well!  High praise, indeed.  I especially like the line about being a new hope…in fact, I like it a lot.

“Sykes Wars: Episode IV: A New Hope.”

Clearly, Google Translator is suggesting I re-make Star Wars with Gollancz authors.  I guess I’m saddled with being Luke Skywalker.  That makes Mr. Abercrombie Han Solo, I imagine, with Mr. Lynch perhaps being Obi Wan Kenobi (he’s not dead, though…not yet).

I guess that makes Patrick Rothfuss Chewbacca.

The young man just 25 years, has a beautiful spirit and do not rely solely on his sense of dialogue to bring it forward.  His characters, and they are numerous, relatively evenly share the reader’s attention.

A beautiful spirit!  Sense of dialogue!  Evenly shared!  Yes, yes, go on!

If the author knows how to use the verb and renew itself, some may get bored after a few hundred pages.  Fortunately, things are improving itself in this area once entered a full foot in the main plot and the author seems to opt for a more conventional but also more controlled.

Rest assured, dear readers and dear Google Translator, the author does know how to use the verb and renew itself.

And now for my favorite part…

But what is certain is that Sam Sykes is a talented brat who can apparently keep in reserve some nice rounds in reserve for later.

It’s true that I’m often praised for my ability to hold things in reserve, just as it is likely true that I will probably be forever known as a talented brat.  I can think of worse titles, at least.

So there you have it!  I hope you, readers, were entertained at least a little.  I hope you, Gillossen, don’t hate me too much after running your words through this meat-grinder of verbiage.  And I hope you, Google Translator…

You stay classy.

Now, take us home!

There is more hope than he can channel his imagination and his enthusiasm for the future.  This seems largely to its scope, especially since writing that first novel that was begun several years ago already.

No doubt a certain maturity is breaking the tip of her nose…even if the author is amused, too!

8/10

You can check out the full review here, and check out Elbakin’s entire site here!  Thanks a lot, Elbakin!