The tail end of January isn’t generally well-loved.
More so than an impending storm, more so than climate change, more so than a swarm of locusts, people seem to have the ability to sense the coming of February and their dread for its arrival mounts with each passing day we inch closer to that most loathed of dates.
The day when society loads a heaping helping of You’re-Not-Normal-Unless-You’re-Buying-Flowers buckshot into its Passive Aggressive Cannon, aims it right between our eyes, and lets fire. It’s the day when you’re made to feel abnormal if you’re single, inadequate unless you’re spending your life’s savings on your significant other and unwanted if no one buys you a giant novelty teddy bear that vomits joy into your eyes when squeezed.
Yes, Valentine’s Day is usually considered the most beloathed of holidays and for good reason.
But that all changes this year.
Because this year, you have someone to help you.
Yes, that’s right! This year, two of the most well-intentioned misanthropes are back to help you negotiate the perilous, twisted trails of modern love and instruct you on how best to survive this Valentine’s Day with your heart intact and blood on your lips.
Last year, Kataria and Denaos answered many questions about love, life and relationships as honestly and unhelpfully as they possibly could. Many good men and women found solace in their answers. Many more went to prison.
This year, they’re hoping to be even
more less successful in helping you in your quest to become the paragon of romantic exertion!
Do you have a question about love? Do you have a question about the opposite sex? Do you have a desire just to ask an alcoholic sociopath and an unwashed, be-fanged savage woman what they think of your situation?
Simply go to this Contact Form here and type “Dear Kataria” or “Dear Denaos” or maybe both in the header, then type your love-related question in the body.
Questions about how to land the perfect date, questions about how to approach that guy you’ve been coyly dropping hints to, questions about how to escape an amorous date once they have the scent of your fear in your nostrils, all will be answered by our relationship experts!
Questions will be answered on February 14th, just in time for you to enact the cunning plan they are doubtless to deliver to you!
The most interesting question will receive a signed copy of The Skybound Sea!
What constitutes “interesting?” I guess Kataria and Denaos will tell us!
So what are you waiting for, you lovelorn fool? Email today!