The Most Givingest Away Ever.
My friends, I owe you an apology.
Not for my brazen attitude, of course. Nor for the pee jokes I write. Not even for what I did at the Battle of Shongfeng Reservoir; if you had seen what I had seen, if you had been faced with the same choice, if there was even a flicker of a soul left inside that rotting husk you call a body, you would have done the same damn thing, even if it meant that flicker would be snuffed out forever. Good men gave their lives there. The best men. For their sakes, for my sake, don’t you ever ask me to apologize for that day. DON’T YOU EVER.
…right, apologies.
What I really should apologize for is the fact that I am, once again, late with some neat things. Awhile back, I promised that, if I hit 1,200 twitter followers, I would give away three sets of Tome of the Undergates and Black Halo. I am now some 30 followers late with that promise. But it is never too late, friends, to try and make up for lost time, assuming you are too late to catch someone who is falling off a cliff, Sylvester Stallone style. In that case, you are too late forever.
This is all a round about way of saying IT’S GIVEAWAY TIME.
HOORAY!
The rules are exactly simple as the following…
1. OPEN EMAIL
2. PUT sam.sykes66@gmail.com IN ADDRESS
2a. OR JUST USE THE CONTACT FORM ON THIS SITE, GOOD GOD
3. TELL ME WHY YOU DESERVE A SET OF SIGNED, FREE COPIES OF TOME OF THE UNDERGATES AND BLACK HALO
That’s right. It’s that easy. Simply email me and tell me exactly why you deserve these books. This can be as easy as giving me a very good reason as to why you deserve them or it can be a demonstration of just how awesome you are as an artist, costumer, whatever else. Creative expression is most definitely a plus in all fields.
Please, for the love of God, don’t send nude pictures. Not again.
This giveaway will end this time next month. So do get on it, doggone it! I’ll be waiting and evaluating everything!
I urge you to enter, even if you already have some copies. Because your friends will probably want some, too! Because you are a good friend, right?
Right?
Coffeeholick
12:33 pmSep-23-2011
Are semi-nudes ok?
Michelle (Vilutheril)
10:42 amOct-5-2011
Just follow the age old rule -A strategically placed feather boa make it classy, Coffeeholick.
Tania Holland
1:36 pmOct-10-2011
Ooh ooh ooh…Pick me!!!
I so need another copy of each of your wonderful books so I don’t have to do daily battle with the Hideous Smelly Teenager(HST) with whom I am forced to co-habitate because I spawned him one Christmas! He has this really annoying habit of reading the same books over and over and over again which gets downright frustrating when you are struggling to make it through the first reading. He then has the nerve to sneeringly correct my efforts to pronounce character names while spouting endless quotes from reading-in-progress. He also takes sadistic pleasure from shooting down my well-grounded plot predictions in blazing flames and hysterical laughter. I have taken to hiding Black Halo in unmentionable places in my efforts to retain control. He just doesn’t understand that I don’t have endless hours to devote to my reading addiction. After all, HST has been known to throw an all-nighter to indulge his latest reading passion, knowing that he does not have to be in any way responsible for the small, loud, pink thing known as … DestructaBelle (a.k.a. the fearsome ‘little sister’).
DestructaBelle relentlessly rips into any precious time that she can lay her hands on, time that could I could spend reading, sleeping and generally having a life. She regularly surfaces well before any self-respecting sparrow has even considered farting. She cruelly subjects me to torturous literature such as Dora Goes to the Beach, Can You See What I See? (no, I can’t see the bloody reindeer!!!) and of course the classic – Fat Cat on a Mat.
While this circus goes on around him, HST happily reads, shits, sleeps, shits, sleeps, plays some video games, sleeps, shits, reads. Oh…and sleeps. The inordinate amount of time he spends on the toilet makes me wonder whether a prune juice drip is in order. I’m pretty sure there is other stuff going on in his life as well, but I try not to think about that too much, and I’ve developed a stubborn ability to ignore the sticky spots on the shower floor.
So, you know what? I deserve a set of books to call my own. I would particularly like to rub my fresh, shiny, autographed copies in his smirking, pimply face while he continues to thumb his way through grotty, dilapidated copies that are gradually accumulating unidentifiable stains.
Now I realise that I could probably further my chances with the inclusion of a classy pee or fart gag, but I think enough time has been devoted to bodily functions in this shameless grasp for freebies, so I’ll leave those to the expert. I’ll conclude my awesome entry with yet another …
Ooh ooh ooh…Pick me!!!