I make no secret about my relative inexperience in this industry. Despite the fact that I grow a beard, which is usually indicative of experience or a guy who hauls off black garbage bags to the dump at 3:30 in the morning, conventions are kind of a new thing for me. It’s always a little intimidating, going to speak at panels with authors who have no idea who you are and audiences who may not even care. Thusly, I was a little nervous when I headed to Phoenix Comicon.
But I’m really glad I went.
To be fair, most of the authors there hadn’t heard of me (though I hadn’t heard of them, either, until just now), but I was really pleased to have made the acquaintances that I did. Chief among these was one Leanna Renee Hieber, who was on absolutely every panel I was, from Subgenres to How to Make it as an Author. Not only was she on them, she basically dominated them. The woman positively oozes wisdom, experience and advice, as well as a strange, sticky substance that I was warned by the staff to never, ever inquire after (as far as all parties are concerned, it’s jam. Delicious jam). Foolishly, I stationed myself in a position where I would always answer a question before her and think I had basically summarized the subject quite succinctly. This temporary high was relentlessly mutilated by Leanna’s answer, which invariably bent mine over and sodomized it with a really crucial point that I had never actually considered. For all the sodomy and violence, though, Ms. Hieber was relentlessly nice and we wound up gabbing quite a bit and even exchanged books. At a glance, Ms. Hieber has one of the most eloquent and lovely voices I’ve ever read and I wholeheartedly encourage you to give her stuff a try.
What? That’s not enough for you? Well, how about this lovely quote she gave me for my next book (ask her for the context):
Sam Sykes: One step behind a prostitute.
Someone who needs no encouragement from me, however, is John Scalzi (or “John FUCKING Scalzi”, as one of my friends said, upon hearing who I was paneling with). This dude has been around for awhile, both online and in print, and he basically has set the tone for author online presences for years now. I had the great misfortune of sitting next to him at the signing booth. And let me tell you, friends…all those rumors about him being eloquent, charming and knowledgeable? Well…yeah, those are true. What no one tells you, though, that he is also quite aggressive and gluttonous. Yes, it’s true. He sat next to me on his lunch hour and, after leaning close to my ear and noisily devouring his sandwich (while making certain to show me the contents of his “See Food” at every opportunity), had the gall to eat his cool ranch Doritos and wipe his filthy, orange fingers upon my nice green shirt. But Scalzi’s clout held no weight in the Court of Sykes (fact: “the Court of Sykes” counts as the immediate ten feet around me, fifteen if I’m wearing boots, and follows no law except the Law of Sykes and the Law of Bangkok) and I quickly retaliated. In great, gracious defeat, Mr. Scalzi honorably chronicled the event here. You can also access his under-read and amateurish blog there. In all honesty, though, he is a very cool guy and I was thrilled to have met him.
But probably the chief highlight of the Con, and probably my new favorite person in the world, was one James A. Owen, author of The Chronicles of the Imaginarium Geographica. Ever since having the distinct pleasure of serving on a panel with him at LepreCon, there has been no author who has done more for me than Mr. Owen. He’s been a font of wisdom and experience to me, probably one of the friendliest and most welcoming people I’ve ever met. But the best part about it? I’m not that special in that regard. He does this for everybody. Seriously, I was astonished at how willing he was to please the seemingly-endless flocks of people who came seeking him out (including Jonathan fucking Frakes). No one else puts more time and energy into his fans and no one else seems more happy to do it, except for his equally awesome brother, Jeremy. Just probably an all-around stand-up dude who does every single kindness for everybody.
Okay, maybe not everybody…
To those who are a little confused by my above gushing, please rest assured that James extended a particular kindness to me that is the main reason he was bumped up to the top of my will (he gets my truck and my vast collection of wax likenesses of politicians; except for Chester A. Arthur. That dude gets buried with me). You see, there was a Geek Prom at Comicon, a fun little dance party for all the good people at Comicon that went to benefit the very fine charity Kids Need to Read (I highly encourage you to check it out). Regrettably, I wasn’t able to buy a ticket in time, but James, with a wave of his mighty, hairless hand, commanded the doors open for me. This was pretty good in and of itself, but then James went one step beyond and, after judging a nerd costume contest with a lot of cool entries, came down from the stage with a tiny little creature following him and said unto me:
“Hey, Sam! Have you met Felicia?”
Yes.
He introduced me to Felicia Day.
I can’t even fit the word “fucking” in there, it was so awesome. She is an amazingly cool person who shot me a nice smile and said:
“So, you’re an author?”
And I shot back a wide, ugly grin and replied:
“Uh fuh buh buh uh duh flbbbbbbbbbttttt.”
Leanna assures me that this is a common reaction.
Anyway, we could talk about my awkward conversation all day (and I’m pretty sure Scalzi, upon hearing this, will, since he thinks he’s so goddamn cool), but the jist of it is that Ms. Day asked me for a copy of Tome and I eagerly obliged, with more than a few “uh buh buh”‘s to accompany it. She, in exchange, gave me a signed picture of herself, which I will eagerly share with you once I figure out how to upload stuff from my blackberry.
So, anyway, James A. Owen has the distinct regard of not only being one of the coolest, nicest, most welcoming authors I’ve ever talked to, but also being the only guy who can say they introduced me to Felicia Day…and Wil Wheaton, too, but I think that dude hates me (it is rumored he can smell sin).
What? Oh, yeah. His first book, Here There Be Dragons, is also really good. Seriously. This guy may be the literary equivalent of Superman…except he wears his briefs on the inside…or so I’m told.
Anyway, it was a delightful con (probably moreso for me than a lot of others) and I wholeheartedly encourage you, you jerk, to go next year, when I’ll actually be published and be able to hold that over Scalzi’s head (fortunately, I’m taller than he is, so he can’t hold his many more and much better-selling books over mine, oh ho ho).
Other authors that I should mention as being amazingly cool, but having the misfortune of coming into a blog post that is already going on too long are J.S. Lewis, Kris Neri and Aprilynne Pike (who is the sole author kind enough to tell me she hates me to my face, in a very kind and loving way).
Yeah, Aprilynne told me on a panel we were on that I was a ten year old girl. It’s true, I can’t argue, aside from being a near-thirty year old man. She did tell me so very nicely, though. 🙂
*Rolls on floor laughing, which of course spreads Delicious Jam absolutely everywhere*
You sir, are delightful. As is your Tome… (is delightful the right word?) Perhaps if its surrounded by the F bomb it is.