Sam Sykes

Slow News Day

It’s true, I did have great plans for my first news post of the new website.

It was originally going to be a tale of daring-do and daring-don’t, the staunchly provocative and highly erotic story in which Alex Bell and I quadruplehandedly took down a smuggling ring led by Joe Abercrombie using only a coffee can, a high caliber taser and our guts.

It was going to be pretty good.  You might have crapped your pants.  As I happen to think you look quite good in those, though, I decided against it.

Still, points need to be made in regards to our fancy new site.

First of all: the contact form.  For reasons unknown, it sends all people trying to contact me to the Spam Filter, perhaps suggesting, in that pretentious, wordless way it often does, that you are all beneath my notice?  I assure you, nothing could be further from the truth.  I am so committed to maintaining contact with you, my gentle readers, that I have frequently put off several engagements, including my own arranged marriage, to stay in touch.

As a result, I lost the dowry and no longer have a shiny new bicycle.  But you’re worth it, readers.

At any rate, if you’ve yet to receive a response from me, please send it again and demand a free hug and I will probably give it to you.

Second Points Bulletin: The facebook link is broken, yes.  I promise you I’ll get it back up when I get my facebook page working.

Third Item of Interest: Y’all heard of Eastercon?  It’s apparently big news in Britain, bigger even than the Beatles, who were supposedly bigger than Jesus, who trounced Zoroastrianism in the polls.  By that logic, then, Eastercon is bigger than a major religion, a messiah and a rock band.

This is big.

And I am going to it.  I will be there most days, maybe doing a panel or something similar?  And also hanging out with the boys from Sci-Fi London, probably doing an interview with them…maybe going to a strip club…a strip club with girls. It’ll be pretty intense, guys, and I seriously hope you’ll see me there so I can complete my Herculean labors and challenges that have been issued to me by the British public.

Standing Challenges:

• Bench press Alex Bell
• Sing this song with David Devereux
• Perform Japanese Businessman Dance with great honor
• Defeat Joe Abercrombie in battle
• Make Mark C. Newton Sad

So, yeah, only a few good announcements and…what’s that?  You want more?

Oh, very well.  Here, have the fruits of today’s labor:

Can you identify them all?!